"Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood"
Author Stephen R. Covey
It's so simple, but used correctly, what author Stephen R. Covey says in his book The 7 habits of highly effective people, Habit 5 "Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood" can make a lot of the drama and fighting in your life so much less.
You need to listen to understand and not only to reply. For those of you with small kids, here is something you can use in future. It is so easy to go off on your kids for doing something "wrong", but have you ever stopped and asked them WHY they did it, to really explain what they were thinking, feeling when they decided to do what they did, or react they way they did? Listen empathetically, don't form your own picture, or think about how YOU feel, how do THEY feel?
Covey gives an egsample in his book about a dad and his son having a conversation about school.
The boy says to his dad that he thinks school is for the birds. The dad reply's and asks why, whereto, his son replies that school isn't doing anything for him, and he doesn't need school to become a mechanic. The dad then says to him that how can he say something like that, and asks him if he is serious. We all know where that conversation is heading- FIGHT!
Here is a different way it could have been handled. The boy says to his dad that school is for the birds. The dad answers him by saying is school getting you down or are you frustrated with school. The boy then says, who needs school, I don't need school to be a mechanic, and the dad says if you are sure that is the right choice for you. The boy is expecting the first scenario, and then is thrown off, and maybe will speak why he feels the way he does, or what the real problem is.
It is not just with your children, but with friends, your husband and in the work place.
Thy to understand how the other person is feeling, why they are feeling that way, and forget about thinking that you wouldn't have felt the way they do in the same situation...
Give it a try, you'll be surprised at how much easier you can make your life, just by truly understanding, in stead of arguing.
