It is your own choice. . .

 “There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.” 
― J.K. Rowling

There are few things that can infuriate me like when friends or family use their upbringing or the

circumstances they grew up in as an excuse either for their own behavior or someone else's. 

So you grew up in a house where either one of your parents were abusive, or had an addiction, or both. You might have been beaten, yelled at, slapped through the face with various objects, are broken down at each chance they got. It might have been a grandparent causing havoc and forcing you to grow up way before you should have.

Yes, these are just some of the things that happen to so many of us, or to people we know.  Things like that stick with you forever, you will never forget those things, and you can't go back and change them, but you can make choices to ensure you are nothing like those people, and that what they did will not keep you from the life you deserve to have.

We all get to an age where we know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.  Some of us will take this very seriously and some of us will live in the gray area, where you allow certain things you know is not right, but you just pretend like it's not happening, and that makes it OK.  Even if you do not give your opinion or react to something, it is still a choice you make, and a poor one at that.

Take responsibility for your actions, and stop thinking your the only one who had a traumatic start to life. Sure, I am not saying you might not have a few psychological issues, which you need help for, but make the choice to get that help.

Take some time, think about your beliefs and morals, is that the kind of person you want to be remembered as?  If it is, well then good for you! But try and be hash in criticizing yourself, think to yourself, if I had a friend with my personality - and YES think about the bad things you KNOW you do as well - would I like that friend? Would that friend have offended me or ticked me off when they did what I am doing to my friends and family? I know it's easy to miss your flaws, because you live with yourself 24 hours a day, but really try and see.  

You might find that you try to push people too much, whether it is to do things you want to do, or agree with you, even when they clearly have their own thoughts on the subject, or maybe you are a bit mean, or too honest, or careless. . .

Remember one thing...The world doesn't owe you anything, you have to work for what you want, relationships don't just happen, promotions, happiness...you have to work for it!

Maybe make a list of things from the past that bother you, and then next to each one write something good to balance it out, and focus on doing the positive things. It takes a week or two for something to become a habit. GO FOR IT!

To tie this up... Stop blaming the past and start fixing the future! In the words of Covey "Don't try to get a quick fix out of a situation you behaved yourself into." If you have done terrible things, take time and make amends, and start making your own choices, and stop letting your past and even present circumstances make them for you.

I should have studied Theology  :) I preach so well! 

Good luck for those of you who are going to try and make the "right" choices!

HABIT 5

"Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood"
Author Stephen R. Covey

It's so simple, but used correctly, what author Stephen R. Covey says in his book The 7 habits of highly effective people, Habit 5 "Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood" can make a lot of the drama and fighting in your life so much less.

You need to listen to understand and not only to reply. For those of you with small kids, here is something you can use in future. It is so easy to go off on your kids for doing something "wrong", but have you ever stopped and asked them WHY they did it, to really explain what they were thinking, feeling when they decided to do what they did, or react they way they did?  Listen empathetically, don't form your own picture, or think about how YOU feel, how do THEY feel?

Covey gives an egsample in his book about a dad and his son having a conversation about school.
The boy says to his dad that he thinks school is for the birds. The dad reply's and asks why, whereto, his son replies that school isn't doing anything for him, and he doesn't need school to become a mechanic. The dad then says to him that how can he say something like that, and asks him if he is serious. We all know where that conversation is heading- FIGHT!

Here is a different way it could have been handled. The boy says to his dad that school is for the birds. The dad answers him by saying is school getting you down or are you frustrated with school. The boy then says, who needs school, I don't need school to be a mechanic, and the dad says if you are sure that is the right choice for you. The boy is expecting the first scenario, and then is thrown off, and maybe will speak why he feels the way he does, or what the real problem is.

It is not just with your children, but with friends, your husband and in the work place.

Thy to understand how the other person is feeling, why they are feeling that way, and forget about thinking that you wouldn't have felt the way they do in the same situation...

Give it a try, you'll be surprised at how much easier you can make your life, just by truly understanding, in stead of arguing.

It's been a while, but I'm here now....

Have you ever felt that you have lost yourself? Lost who you are, what you like, how you react, what you do?.... It's not an easy thing, being lost... It's not always easy to put on a smile and go on as if nothing has ever changed.

I find myself in a bit of a predicament... It seems I have gotten off at the wrong station, or maybe this was a detour I am supposed to be taking.  I have been acting strange and doing unusual things in the last month and a half... WHY? I keep asking. Well hell, I don't know...

At the beginning of the year I made a vision chart, of all the things I wish to accomplish this year, some of the things I could tick off already, some I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
Eat, Pray , Love.... So simply said, so difficult to achieve. For those who are familiar with the movie, I relate to her struggle.... how about you?

I have decided to go with the expression- Let the chips fall where they may... And regretted it dearly... So with a bit of control added, I hope to ride out this wave.

If you find yourself in this type of predicament...well here is a list of suggestions:

1. Stay away from people you don't like and usually tolerate- It doesn't end well.
2. Try and do something fun, even if you find this specific thing highly unusual
3.  Laugh when you have NO idea why in the world you feel like doing so.
4. STAY  AWAY from the booze- REALLY REALLY NOT PRETTY!
5. Eat less, but food you actually like:)
6. Love the way you fell like
7.  Do what makes you happy, even if other's don't necessarily approve...
8. Cry when the need overtakes you

Waiting for the train to come back around, but while I wait supposed will have to follow my own advise :)